Before infertility changed everything, you probably already had an idea of what kind of mother you’re going to be.
As patient as Clark Kent
Loving and nurturing
Always putting your children first
Protecting them from the injustices of the world
Appreciating every moment
Most women start out with these ideas only to find that parenting is much harder than they imagined.
Have you ever noticed another mom getting pregnant quickly and it seems like she doesn’t even appreciate it?
Maybe she whines about her pregnancy, yells at her kids, or doesn’t know how to control them in a public place. Perhaps she complains about every little thing from lack of sleep to not getting enough “me time.”
Oh, what you’d give to be in her shoes! Surely you wouldn’t complain about half the trivial things she does, and you’d truly appreciate the opportunity to love and cherish a baby of your own.
Know what? I believe you.
I believe you *will* be a great mom, and you’ll be able to appreciate the good and deal with the crazy, perhaps with greater perspective than that mom who had it easy getting pregnant.
But this doesn’t come easy.
Infertility can be like the training ground for motherhood
Infertility is like an emotional rollercoaster. Nothing about it feels good.
But what if you could acknowledge this as an opportunity to develop resilience and compassion – beautiful and essential components of conscientious parenting?
What if you could adopt a sage perspective about all the hurt you’re feeling?
What if you could allow yourself to adapt to the kind of mother that your children need you to be?
What if there’s a higher plan for you? Could you be patient? Could you learn how to trust?
You don’t become a great mom through theory
You become that kind of mom through life experiences. TOUGH life experiences. The sort of life experiences you would never sign up for if you knew just how rotten they’d be.
It’s the brutal challenges and disappointments in life that help you to adopt these attributes and to help your children find their way in a sometimes relentlessly cruel world.
Sometimes these life-shaping challenges come when we’re already parents, and sometimes they come before.
If you take this time to do your inner work, then you’re taking advantage of a tremendous opportunity to be a more available and loving mom.
Your journey isn’t through yet. You’re still here, still going, still traveling that road of faith and hope that you’re moving in the right direction for you.
You may not know how your story ends, but I hope you can allow yourself to trust that you’ll be wiser, more empathetic, and more appreciative of what you have by hanging in there and doing your inner work along the way.
I hope you’ll allow yourself to embrace the changes that are happening to you. Know that they’re adding new layers of humanity and wisdom that will serve you well as a mother.
Imagine the mother you wish to be. Will you allow today’s hardships to help you become that person?
In the comments below, name one infertility hardship that you feel is preparing you for being a parent.